Night time munchies.

My mind is busy. Thoughts running wild- my need to lose weight, the reality of how much weight I’ve gained, fear of the time it will take. Stress rises, and for what?! At night my worries turn into emotional eating. My happy and healthful day of eating turns into a train wreck. I get so worried about how I’m going to lose the weight and then I turn to sweets to relinquish my current feelings of stress. In turn, this derails my day of progress and pushes my weight loss plan back a day for the sake of my unbearable, yet unnecessary stresses.

I don’t know how to consciously lose weight by counting calories. The numbers are overwheling in my head and I feel restricted, even when my body feels satisfied. My mind cannot process the thought of setting a certain number of calories to eat per day. When doing so, it commonly results in a nighttime snack fest. Eating unneeded, yet delicious, calories because I still feel deprived of something. That something is happiness.

When I track my intake I feel as if I am forcing myself to eat a certain number of calories and in turn I don’t rely on my hunger, but rather eating the calories whenever I feel the urge. While I have learned that calorie counting does not work for me, I relentlessly try to make it work year after year… and what happens? It fails.

Intuitive Eating is what has worked for me and is what I need to begin again. The hardest part is the idea of only eating when hungry (or at least most of the time)- a concept I have not grasped much at all this past year. I know to rid myself of unhappiness from tracking and trying to go the diet route, I need to trust in the process of intuitive eating.

I have made a new instagram @kimfit_2.0 to document my weight loss journey by means of intuitive eating. Scaling back portion sizes, but allowing myself to keep eating the foods I love is my main focus. I will still continue to weigh myself weekly, but only to ensure I am indeed losing someee weight.

I surely enjoyed the food I ate to gain these 30 lbs I’ve gained, but here’s to enjoying the food I enjoy in moderation to get down to my ideal weight of 155 ๐Ÿ™‚

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Back on my grind.

Hey followers (if I still have any)! I’m back on the blog and aim to start posting often! I’m home on summer break and a lot has changed for me.ย  Now that I have broke free from the constraints of binge eating and find myself in a healthy place both mentally and physically, I am aiming to lose some unwanted weight that I have gained throughout the school year. Hence, I have a new goal for my blog: making updates on my current weight loss journey and providing daily motivation and inspiration for anyone who is looking to start their own fitness ventures.

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This year at UD, I have gained some amazing friends and memories. It is truly where I am meant to be and I have been so happy there. SO happy that I have decided to stay and am living in a house with a few friends near campus- where I can now cook my OWN food and control what I eat!

While my health has not truly suffered throughout my two terms thus far at UD, my weight is definitely not where I want it to be for my height. I have increased my strength and love for weightlifting, as well as completed a few 5k’s and a Tough Mudder, but my cardiovascular endurance has fallen.

Long story short: after focusing much more on my happiness and emotional health, my weight was not a big focus. I have begun to fully regain my health and embark on a journey to lose 15 pounds. This time around I know I can do so the healthy way, without restricting. My goals are to up my cardio, control my portion sizes, and still maintain my strength – because boy do I love lifting ๐Ÿ™‚

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Also I am training to become a personal trainer!!!

So follow me as I get back into the best shape of my life & allow me to provide those in need with inspiration, daily motivation and fitness tips to aid in their own fitness journey!

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-Kim-

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Room to breathe.

The past week has brought me to many realizations. Giving myself a break from exercise and stressing about food has really given me the chance to take a step back and take the time to listen to my thoughts. It has given me some room to breathe; room to embrace my time alone yet still make it meaningful.

I’ve been thinking a lot and realize a lot of things about my about my attitude and outlook on things have been holding me back-

Obsessing over food and diet: It has held me back from truly enjoying the act of eating. Why would I be excited about eating if I’ve been so restrictive or afraid of overeating and bingeing?

In the present moment I feel at peace with food. Sure I still fall back into old habits on occasion, but learning to enjoy food without criticizing myself over it’s nutritional value is probably one of my proudest accomplishments.

Concerning myself over exercise and how fit I am compared to others: I have constantly felt I need to prove myself to others when it comes to fitness. I also often force myself to do certain workouts in order to gain fitness or because of a high calorie burn even when I don’t enjoy it.

Intuitive exercise is my new approach to fitness. Doing whatever type of workout I want to and not forcing myself to work out on days I feel too tired are my current goals. I love lifting, running and kickboxing and plan to incorporate these into my workouts the most. Also exercising for pure fun is my goal as well- Zumba and jiu jitsu fall into that category too. Relaxing my attitude towards exercise is key. I want to concern myself with my own fitness and not feel the need to compare myself to others.

Constant anxiety over being alone: I’ve often I still often fear being alone. I associate being alone with loneliness and haven’t been appreciating solitude. Being home makes me especially depressed and anxious about being alone and having nothing to do with my time.

This break from exercise and my “roadtrip” from home to visit friends is allowing me to embrace my independence and enjoy solitude. I’m happy with myself when I can spend time alone and not fret about having nobody beside me (physically). Realizing that being alone does not mean you have to be lonely is a big mindset change for me. There is a lot you can do alone, happily. My attitude has definitely become more positive once I accepted this.

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Taking a break from working out.

http://angrytrainerfitness.com/2012/03/top-10-reasons-to-take-a-break-from-the-gym/

I’ve decided that this past week and the next week or two are going to be devoted to finding happiness with friends and things outside of working out. I am always an avid fitness freak and go to the gym or run outside weekly- 4-6 times a week. Now I need to take a little break; a 2-3 week hiatus from working out.

I’m doing so because I want to stop obsessing about working out and using it to fix my bad eating habits (binges) and also because I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out. I want to take this break from exercise while I travel to different cities visiting friends. When I return from my vacation I plan on training hard for my half-marathon in March and upping my strength, and especially my cardiovascular endurance (for running and kickboxing).

I am currently at day 5 of not working out and although I do not exactly feel happy about the way my body is feeling and looking due to excessive treats, I believe I am doing the right thing.

When I get back to exercising, I believe I will feel excited and refreshed; able to give 100% every workout and go into it with a more positive attitude. No more obsessing over workouts or diet! I won’t let it keep ruining my attitude and self-confidence ๐Ÿ™‚

One day at a time: Treating myself to dinner and dessert tonight.

Saturday Jan 4:

Enjoyed what I ate, but overate a bit. Binge day yesterday but decided on taking it one meal at a time from now on and choosing things that I REALLY want when I get hungry, to avoid binges but not fret over occasional overeating.

Breakfast- 2.5 breakfast bars from Trader Joe’s- slightly hungry

Lunch- not quite hungry yet- grilled cheese w/ provolone and cheddar on white bread, 1.5 tablespoons cookie cocoa swirl butter

Dinner- hungry- side salad with balsamic, Greek chicken, spinach, feta and garlic olive oil sauce over penne (truly savored it) felt a bit full but not uncomfortable.

Walked around a bit to settle stomach. Looked around in a bookstore for fun.

Starbucks tall caramel macchiato && then decided to have dessert:
Coldstone like it size skinny vanilla with kit Kat and 1 Reese’s in choc dipped waffle bowl ( content, but know didn’t need whole thing, wanted it tho)

Successful day- no binges ๐Ÿ™‚

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No resolutions, just goals.

New Year goals:

-Go to class everyday
-Eat more fruits and veggies/salads
Reduce binges
-Be more self-confident
-Don’t worry about weight but more about health
-Exercise 4-5 days a week and don’t obsess
-Train for half-marathon and Tough Mudder
-Sign up for more 5k’s and 10k’s

The Good Life

Woot!! Been having a good time at home these past 3 days, and have definitely changed my negatives to positives. I am no longer worried about gaining weight or about having nothing to do these next 5-6 weeks. I’m focused on living and eating intuitively and have actually followed through this time. I am eating exactly what I want when I’m hungry and realize that I have been craving a lot less sweets! Exercise has followed in the same pursuit, and besides my planned days of kickboxing (which I always love anyways) and my half marathon training- my race is in DC in March- I have been incorporating workouts that involve more of what I feel like doing. Too often I try to force myself into doing certain routines or amounts of cardio. It’s a great feeling to be able to be happy and finally enjoy my time at home without having my life revolve around food.

My favorite quote as of late:

Eat to live, don’t live to eat.

Though eating for me is a joyous time, I plan on making it less of a focus in my life and keeping it as the necessity that it is. Nobody should live their life obsessing over every morsel of food they consume or look to food as their only source of happiness. Keep food as what it is: food. There is no need to let it have control over your life and cause you distress- something I wish I had learned years ago.